Self Caring So Hard It Hurts.

Masochism and Self Care

For a masochist, learning to care for oneself can be challenging. Discriminating between healthy, beneficial behaviors and harmful ones can be difficult when joy can be derived from pain. If pain is perceived as a reward, masochists may have an easier time imprinting self-destructive habits outside of consensual and intentional BDSM practices. In some instances masochistic habits can be a form of self soothing and self regulation. The process of learning to offer your body as a vessel for service for Mistress, requires that your body is exquisitely and divinely taken care of. That you are aware of your body, of your desires, so you can offer it all. Learning to distinguish between pain that leads to growth, and pain that leads to harm enables an individual to move through life with greater ease as well as the ability to bring your self-awareness as an offering to your Mistress.

Part of the Dasya Yoga regimen incorporates aspects of cultivating sustainable self care practices. In order to serve me up to my standards, one must first learn to take care of themselves. I expect slaves to actively engage with their health, and work to become their best version of themselves so that they can offer more to me and surrender completely.

As fun as it may be to play with taking advantage of your weaknesses, I take much greater pleasure in you confronting them yourself and offering me a self that has been worked on and explored. It is so much more intoxicating and challenging to dominate someone who is willingly offering me the entirety of a thoroughly examined self.

I love toying with the concept of forced self care. Sometimes it is through relinquishing control that we learn to wield it and in turn learn to care for ourselves. Can you learn to relinquish control without relinquishing responsibility for self care and self worth? I support clients to have healthy relationships with their bodies and with their masochism.

We all know that it is often easier to say something nice about someone else, than it is to accept compliments for ourselves. We are often our own harshest critics. Devoting your practice, the fruits of your labor and the actions of your life to your Mistress allows you the ease of serving ‘other’ while simultaneously serving the Self and reaping the benefits of submission. Your actions become in service to your Mistress, every action embedded with a deep sense of gratitude, grounding and humility.

# through has infinite potential.

Psychology Today: “Dasya Yoga: Self Development Through Surrender and Pain”

Enjoy this excerpt of my interview with Michael Aaron of Psychology today. Click here to read the rest!

Danielle Blunt is the creator of Dasya Yoga and an NYC-based Dominatrix, full-spectrum doula, yoga teacher and sex worker activist. She studies power dynamics through kinesthetic modalities and her work and play explore the intersections of tenderness and pain.

Q: You have created a new form of yoga called Dasya Yoga, in which you combine elements of traditional yoga with BDSM. I imagine most people would be puzzled about what this combo may look like. Can you describe a typical session?

A: Every Dasya Yoga session looks different. Each session is tailored to an individual’s’ particular interests, desires, and fetishes. A session can take the form of a more asana-based practice in a traditional yoga studio, or the form of a more meditative session in my private dungeon space. The purpose isn’t that the practice looks any particular way but rather that it addresses an individual’s wants and needs while expanding their understanding of kink, yoga, meditation and one’s relationship with their body and with other. I use the asanas (postures), mudras (hand gestures) and mantras to cultivate openness, vulnerability, and devotion within a unique framework of power, surrender, pleasure and pain — this is the core focus of the Dasya Yoga practice.

Danielle Blunt, used with permission
Source: Danielle Blunt, used with permission

Q: In your bio, you state that you work as a dominatrix and utilized BDSM as a healing modality. How did you find BDSM to be healing?

A: Many activities within a BDSM experience are heavily reliant upon negotiation, intention, and consent — all of which provide an ideal environment and ample opportunity for healing. In many ways I think of BDSM as a form of ritual work. Learning to ask for what you want, articulating desire and putting pre-established rules of limits and consent into practice are all integral to the operation of a good BDSM experience. Such protocols can create a deep sense of security not often found in most interpersonal interactions. This can be healing in and of itself. In a society where so many people feel powerless and stressed, consensually giving up control to a trusted and experienced individual often gives people permission to surrender, relax, submit and access a different part of their brain that they don’t get to in other aspects of their life.

While I believe BDSM to be therapeutic and healing, I want to make it clear that I am not a therapist. I encourage everyone that is working through something intense to see a kink-affirming mental health professional in conjunction to their work with me. Manhattan Alternative is an amazing example of an NYC-based resource for people looking for kink-affirming therapists. There is a definitely a need for more kink-affirming, knowledgeable and non-judgmental health care professionals.

Q: A great deal of your work is focused on pain. Specifically, pain as a form of salvation. It’s a very different approach than our natural instincts of seeking to avoid pain. In your view, what role does pain play in psychological development?

A: A lot of what we are taught in the west is that pain is something to be avoided, but many religions and practices across the world utilize elements of pain, devotion, and suffering as a way to reach the divine and tap into altered states of consciousness. Rituals involving pain emphasize the importance of intention and creating space to process an experience, to move on and grow into a new way of being. They also provide a first-hand experience of exploring pain in a confined and intentional capacity; helping to teach an individual on a moral, as well as chemical level, that ‘this too shall pass’, while simultaneously fostering a sense of resilience and pride in individuals and communities. I believe that the physical exercises with movement, breath and rhythmic movements in both yoga and BDSM teach the process of how breathing steadily through pain and creating the space to process an experience can help foster elasticity within the brain and alter an individual’s response to chronic pain and earlier trauma. Introducing the chemicals and hormones involved in pain perception to an individual in a controlled and intentional manner allows the autonomic nervous system to regulate the parasympathetic nervous system and return to a ‘rest and digest’ mentality. Research suggests that creating a space for the autonomic nervous system to return to its resting state helps to create new neural pathways in the brain. I often think of BDSM ritual work as a hacking of the autonomic nervous system, working to create neurologic resilience and control.

As a chronically ill woman, I am intimately acquainted with pain. I found BDSM at 18, the same time I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. My illness has continued to shape and affect my relationship with my body. BDSM gave me an outlet to be an active participant in choosing when and how I received or dealt out pain and also gave me the platform to learn about my boundaries, limits, and how to create relationships that worked for me, including a relationship with my body. BDSM has also given me a way to take control over my mental health and consciously work through my relationship with pain and power dynamics.

​​​​​​​Q: Let’s talk specifically about submission, as ‘dasya’ is the Sanskrit word for servitude. You state that Dasya Yoga “offers care to masochists and submissives by creating space to explore submission as a path to self-care and personal growth.” What does submission specifically have to do with personal growth?

A: The core tenants of many religions are focused around the idea that true enlightenment and faith can only be achieved through an acceptance and submission to the divine. I incorporate this idea in my practice, as well as archetypes of the divine in Dasya Yoga. I believe that devotion through submission has abundant potential and creates a fertile field for personal growth and I have a very broad interpretation of divinity. Through creating space to confront, engage intentionally with, and accept pain and suffering many are able to find purpose and find renewed meaning in life.

The term ‘Yoga’ literally means ‘to yoke’. The Dasya Yoga practice helps to yoke the wandering mind to the oftentimes numb body. This allows for the potential for a transformative experience to occur. Through physical touch, devotional asanas, and mudras, the Dasya practice works to yoke the slave’s actions to the Mistress’ pleasure. Each breath in reverence to Mistress. Each breath in gratitude to Mistress. It is through this sacred act of devotion that a submissives purpose can be found. It is the universal process of the breaking down of boundaries of self and not self and learning to identify with something greater than the self that many religious traditions, as well as the BDSM community, utilize to encourage feelings of peace, transcendence, growth and acceptance for participants. That is what submission is to me, this process.

Research suggests that an individual’s intentional suffering and relinquishing of power may actually provide them with a greater internal locus of control. For many masochists, self care can be a difficult concept to implement in their lives. I often refer to what I do as ‘forced self care’. Externalizing the command to care for the self can in some circumstances help an individual to over time learn to reestablish a relationship with their body and their mind where self care doesn’t seem like such a foreign idea.

Thwack, labeled for reuse, Wikimedia Commons
Source: Thwack, labeled for reuse, Wikimedia Commons

​​​​​​​Q: In your blog, you challenge the idea of safe spaces. You state “Creating a safe space is a beautiful ideology, but impossible to promise another when it comes to practice.” Further, you believe that those who preach “Safe, Sane and Consensual” are potentially “providing false assurances.” I imagine these are very challenging concepts for people to wrap their mind around, especially at these times. Can you explain further?

A: First of all, I think that as a society we need to rethink how we teach and understand consent and power dynamics. I do not believe consent to be a simple matter of “yes” and “no”– this can reinforce the pre-existing power structures that are in place and who feels they have the power to give an affirmative yes or a firm no. These binary ways of thinking do not take into account the complexities of choice, circumstance and coercion that take active roles in the processes of giving consent. We need to complicate the conversations that we are having around consent and power dynamics. I encourage the folks that I work with to take a critical lens to the power dynamics that affect their lives, identities and experiences and utilize this awareness to build power in themselves as they move through the world.

I challenge the idea of safe spaces, because I think that it can be incredibly presumptuous to assume that you have the ability to provide someone with a safe space. Everyone’s triggers differ and no matter how much negotiation goes on before a scene you never know what will come up for someone. I’ve seen people triggered by a glance, a word, physical distance, by being asked to articulate their needs out loud. They had no idea that this would come up, so how could I be expected to? The process of exploring self and how we relate to one another is never a completely safe space and I think that being willing to confront the things that come up is an important part of the process. I come from a background in public health and harm reduction and would like to see more of this language in how we talk about sex and consent. While I don’t think that BDSM or sex are agents of harm, I think the way that we talk about them (or don’t) can be.

I can do my best to hold space for someone and create an open line of communication and accountability if something does come up. But safety is not a guarantee, not just in BDSM play but in most aspects of life. I think that the offering of a safe space to someone is at times an overstep that can lead to further harm if something does come up and I wouldn’t want the pretense of offering a ‘safe space’ to make someone feel silenced.

I also think that it is important to note that these aren’t only challenging concepts to wrap your head around, but challenging conversations to have in general. As a society, I don’t think we deal well with conflict and often times we are encouraged to stifle our conflicted feelings about our experiences in service of not giving ammo to people who criminalize and stigmatize marginalized communities.
Q: You believe that repressing desire can cause one to lose control of their actions. In your view, shame is a social construct. What is your view of shame and what role does it play in your work with clients?

A: I don’t believe in the effectiveness of pushing abstinence based models of care, and I believe the repression and pathologization of desires to be incredibly harmful to an individual. Why should someone feel shame at expressing a part of themselves with consenting adults? Getting to play around with humiliation and shame in a confined space and time allows someone the opportunity to find relief from their insecurities without letting them consume them. Playing with shame gives someone an opportunity for catharsis through confronting their fears and beginning to understand them better.

When someone comes to me with an interest in humiliation play I really enjoy unpacking their shame with them. They want to suck a cock? Why is that shameful? They want to dress as a woman? I don’t think it is shameful to dress as a woman, why do they? One thing that I really enjoy when working with cis men who are interested in crossdressing or ‘forced-femme’ sessions is to ask them to perform masculinity for me before we begin the transformation. For many being asked to perform masculinity is much more humiliating than when I teach them the magic of femme. I take a very ritualistic approach when asking people to confront their relationship with shame.

I don’t like contributing to reinforcing violent and oppressive power structures in my work; I’d rather the people that I work with question these structures. That’s not to say that I don’t think reenacting can be powerful, just that it needs to be done with a critical and grounded eye and self-reflection. Through the inversion of shame and stigma, the sacred can become profane and vice versa; there is no differentiation. Becoming aware of the internal and external process that are constructing your desires gives you the opportunity to grow beyond socially enforced norms.

This is Not a Safe Space.

This is not a safe space. Preconceived notions about self may get shattered. Unconscious patterns may be revealed. You may not like what you encounter. Fighting one’s demons isn’t always pretty. Beautiful, but only if you’ve cultivated a taste for destruction.

Part of submitting to life is accepting that there is not always such thing as a guarantee of a safe space.  Creating a safe space is a beautiful ideology, but impossible to promise another when it comes to practice. One can never guarantee complete and total safety, as much as we may like to. It can be dangerous to assume you have the ability to provide someone with a safe space. Everyone’s triggers differ. The process of exploring self and how we relate is never completely safe. All we can do is offer openness and accountability for what comes up. “Safety” is not a guarantee, especially if you are seeking transformation.

People who preach “Safe, Sane and Consensual” ideologies are providing false assurances. Someone who offers a “safe space” doesn’t necessarily know what “safe” looks like to you. They don’t know when a place that was “safe” for you suddenly becomes “unsafe”. This could be caused by a word, a look, a touch or a subtle energy shift. This can be caused by something completely imperceptible to the other party. We can use our intuition and learned experience to hold space for others, but anyone who assumes this means the space is safe, risks making the assumption that they know you better than you know yourself.

We are all impacted by our experiences and implicated by our current and previous relationships. Part of the work that I do, is to try and provide space for people to somatically explore how previous relationships have impacted them and to investigate the patterns of how they relate to others and to themselves. In the dungeon, we explore how the traumas of existing in the world affect our lives, and how this energy can get trapped in the body and wreak havoc in them. We explore how this trauma can create unhealthy patterns and ways of relating and can unconsciously influence all of our actions.

Part of this work means the relationship between myself and my subject becomes the stage where the dance of “re-relating” takes place. This often involves examining how power dynamics have influenced our lives and what it brings up for us when we feel powerless. Do you feel freed by submission? Does it bring up greater anxieties of self-worth? Do you experience these two dissonant feelings simultaneously? Becoming aware of the Self is never comfortable. This is why many find meditation so challenging.  

I do my best to hold space for whatever forces come into play and to create a gentle resolution to ease you back into life as you know it. However, it can become difficult to make the transition back once you become aware. The things that come up when exploring power dynamics, devotion and submission can’t always be easily left in the dungeon. The things learned are often difficult to put into words. At times, growth can looks like destruction and effort must be devoted to rebuilding. This is what karma is: working through our shit and collecting more. A continual ebbing and flowing of growth.

When engaging in intense emotional play, it is important to do the work of self-exploration. This benefits both you and your partner. I encourage you to ask yourself the following questions, and do your best to communicate what comes up to your partner(s):

-What makes you feel safe?

-What are your triggers? Hard limits? These things can be physical activities, emotional boundaries, words, a certain type of touch, lighting, noises… It is not just limited to BDSM activities.

-What makes you want to explore play?

-How do your previous experiences influence your sexuality and experience of submission?

-What does submission look like to you? What does submission mean to you?

-What do you hope to get out of play/exploration?

-How do you feed your masochist? On a conscious and unconscious basis, emotional and physical level?

-What are your fears? Are they things to be explored or avoided?

-What does aftercare look like to you?

-What does the ideal session look like to you? Physically, mentally, emotionally?

-Where have things gone wrong in the past and how can you avoid them? Or what has prevented you from exploring in the past?

What I offer is a stage to explore, to communicate, to hold and to be held accountable. I wish to explore deeply with people who are willing to engage in an emotional exchange and offer their vulnerability to me. I enjoy exploring with those wishing to explore complete submission. To the process, and to me. This is my humble offering. No more. No less.


(I do not recommend intense emotional play for someone without a support system. I encourage anyone who is exploring intense and ongoing relational BDSM play with me to begin work with a BDSM-aware mental health practitioner. I am not a mental health practitioner.)



There Are No Safe Spaces.

2016 Kaleidoscopes of Chaos – How Traumatic Boundary Violations Destroy The Capacity for Self-Care


Self Acceptance as an Offering.

One of the best gifts you can give your Domina is work on your own self acceptance and self awareness. Learning to accept and integrate your desires will make you a more competent slave with more space and breath from which to serve. Here are four suggestions to help turn your own search for self acceptance into an offering for your Mistress.


Cultivating Acceptance Through Community:

Begin to cultivate acceptance of your deepest and darkest desires. Having a desire that society tells you is ‘abnormal’ can be an incredibly isolating experience. It can be helpful to find community and engage with it in some capacity. That may come in the form of online communities or in-person events such as a workshop, lecture or party. Taking action to engage with like-minded people will help you become unburdened from shame and better able to serve.


Sit With Yourself and Reflect:

Don’t fight your desires. Be present with them. A fetish or strong a desire can be a point of extreme vulnerability, but can also be an entryway to exploring your inner workings. Numbing yourself from your desires will prevent this opportunity to excavate and explore. Journaling, cultivating a devotional yoga practice, seeking out play with trusted partners or professionals or talking to a BDSM aware Mental Health Professional are all great ways to begin the process of radical self acceptance.


Lift the Veil of Shame:

Attempting to repress a desire can cause you to lose control over your actions. Figuring out what is at the root of your desire will help you find ways to explore and express your desires in a healthy and controlled manner. Shame is a social construct. Why should you feel shame at expressing a part of yourself with consenting adults? Self-loathing and shame cloud one’s ability to see clearly and devote themselves to the divine. Sometimes it is just a matter of shifting your perspective to find self acceptance.

“I’m not ashamed to dress ‘like a woman’ because I don’t think it is shameful to be a woman.” – Iggy Pop


A Path to Catharsis:

Some people find humiliation play to be an extremely cathartic way to explore their insecurities and desires. Being teased and nudged and encouraged is inherently erotic, but that is vastly different from living under the rock of shame and having it impact all of your life decisions, actions and inactions. Getting to play around with humiliation in a safe, confined space allows you find relief from your insecurities without letting it consume you. Remember that what makes some folks tick, can be destructive to others, so If you are interested in pursuing humiliation play, do so with a professional or trusted partner. Go slowly and save time for aftercare.

Make sure to explore and gain a control over your desires so that they don’t control you. This exploration will benefit you and everyone in your life.
In conclusion, wear frilly panties and suck a dick.


“Complete submission and openness was your command…”


I received this beautifully written feedback after a recent session with a new subject and decided to share it with you. You’re welcome.


Hello Mistress, though I feel compelled to refer to you as Goddess. Yoga with you fanned flames of absolute reverence and total devotion in me. In all honesty, our session was far more than I dreamed it would be. Yoga with you is the ultimate form of Goddess worship. Some activities I hoped for, touch I longed for. Release I desperately needed. But you surprised me with touch and blows, breath and directives that far exceeded my fantasies and desires. Thank you Mistress.

Please don’t be offended when I write than no photo I’ve seen of you does you justice. When you opened the door, my breath slipped away. I had to excuse myself. As you sat in baddha konasana, with my face wedged blissfully between your soles, my soul begged for ownership. You possess the most beautiful feet I have ever seen. Thank you Mistress.

Your skilled touch and penetrating directives edged me to an impossibly, precarious precipice of bated breath, genuflection and convulsions. You tugged invisible strings attached to my cock and mind-I convulse. Thank you Mistress. You tell me to breathe. Thank you Mistress.

Complete submission and openness was your command. You demanded I submit all of myself to you, made me bare my vulnerabilities: my heart and  soul, my throat  cock balls, all of me, physically and emotionally. I did so without choice,  naked at the feet of the Goddess. Thank you Mistress.


your slave

Yamas and Slave Training.

The five yamas listed by Patanjali in the Yoga sutras are very similar to the principles I undertake while training a slave. The Yamas are a form of moral guidelines in the Yogic tradition.  Below I break down the five yamas and explain how they play a role in my slave training and the expectations that I have of slaves.

  1. Ahiṃsā (अहिंसा): Nonviolence, non-harming other living beings
    • I encourage slaves to learn to differentiate between pain and harm. Pain is inevitable and I enjoy holding space for an individual to explore what comes up when sitting with pain. I expect slaves to not harm themselves; the play that we engage in should not be harmful. If it is harmful, I expect and encourage open and honest communication from my slaves. Play and self work can be painful and difficult, but cultivating self awareness will help to differentiate between pain and harm. Many individuals who identify as masochists tend to be people pleasers and may have a tendency to let people walk over them in other avenues of their life and think that they deserve this. Instead, I teach slaves to intentionally and thoughtfully give up control to a trusted individual. Controlling when and with whom you explore pain and power dynamics can become an empowering experience, ideally devoid of harm.
  2. Satya (सत्य): truthfulness, non-falsehood
    • I expect openness from my slaves. I expect to pry into my slave’s brains, and get past that which my slave is projecting and see where their true desires lay and explore where they came from. To me Satya in BDSM also looks like being honest about your capacities both financially, emotionally, the ability to be able to stop a scene if it becomes too much and sharing honest and helpful feeedback after sessions.
  3. Asteya (अस्तेय): non-stealing
    • Asteya in professional BDSM means not haggling with Dommes or taking their energy without offering compensation. Being a sexworker, a professional dominant or an emotional laborer can be emotionally exhausting. The exchange of money enable us the space to do this work and to support ourselves and in turn support our beloved subjects. Tribute is a gift that allows slaves to experience our dominance in a way that is sustainable and serves both of us. Reframing a tribute as an honor and a gift may help the exchange feel more balanced instead of entitled.
  4. Brahmacārya (ब्रह्मचर्य): This is defined as, ‘One who knows the way of God.’ It is commonly translated as ‘continence’ or ‘celibacy’. I define this as Orgasm Control, Chastity Training, Edging and Sexual Restraint.
    • While I love chastity training, it is not for everyone. For me Brahmacharya in my personal and Dasya Yoga practice means orgasm control. The offering of control of ones sexuality to their Mistress. Mistress gets to decide when and how a slave comes, and in a way that best serves the Mistress and in turn the slave. The ritualization of asking permission for an orgasm also lends itself to more ‘vanilla’ sex; enabling slaves to communicate with partners, letting them know that they are having an orgasm or not, thanking them and letting each other know if they are ready for the other to release. I believe that particularly slaves with penises should undergo rigorous orgasm control training. Especially with the idiotic western emphasis in sex on the male orgasm. I expect that a toy I am playing with should ALWAYS be ready for my pleasure or amusement and I expect my slaves to be able to be teased wildly to the edge and not lose control.
  5. Aparigraha (अपरिग्रहः): non-avarice, non-possessiveness
    • While a slave may have love for his Mistress, it is important that he not try and possess his Mistress. His actions should be devoted to her happiness and her freedom. While a slaves emotional needs should be met, a slaves dedication and devotion to his Mistress should stray away from possession. Her pleasure should become his pleasure. To me, this looks like non-jealousy of relationships with other slaves, supporting a Mistress’ security, comfort and pleasure with out need for recognition. This also looks like expression of gratitude for the time and intimacy offered to you by your Mistress, and respect of the boundaries set up around revealing personal information and intimacy than you are being offered.

A Letter of Recommendation.

As part of the application process for my ‘vanilla’ 300-hour Yoga Teacher Training, I asked two special yoga students/slaves to write me letters of recommendation. Here is what they had to say:

To whom it may concern,

It is my delight to recommend Danielle Blunt to your program. Danielle has been my yoga instructor for over a year, and she has been able to immerse me in my yoga practice in a way I had never experienced before. Approaching yoga as a holistic practice, while still holding her students to high standards, Danielle’s teaching style encourages new students to see themselves and their bodies in a way that’s both challenging and empowering.

I first came to Danielle after having struggled with a variety of medical issues, afraid that I would not be able to return to former activities. Blunt approached my issues and concerns with understanding and determination, helping me overcome both physical obstacles and mental blocks. In her work, she emphasizes the connection between one’s mental state and physicality. Her instruction consists of equal parts meditation and asana practice, approaching obstacles with a firm hand and an insistence on her student’s ability to achieve their goals. Above all, Danielle’s artistic, therapeutic, and rewarding approach to teaching yoga is only enhanced by her love and belief in people.

Clearly, I could not recommend her more highly.

Best regards,


To Whom It May Concern:

I have been asked to write a letter of reference for Danielle Blunt. I do so with pleasure. I’ve known Danielle for one year. I have for the past year received her instruction.

As a teacher, she is extraordinarily sensitive and patient. Always unhurried yet focused, she has a rare ability to filter out distractions and progress without pushing. In personal relationships as well as in yoga, Danielle demonstrates a depth of commitment to balance and richness that is mature beyond her years and inspiring.

Thanks for the opportunity to recommend Danielle for your program.



Mistress Blunt hugs a student after a kinky yoga session

Devotion as Salvation.

Inhale, and Mistress approaches you. Hold the inhalation, and Mistress remains with you. Exhale, and you approach Mistress. Hold the exhalation, and surrender to Mistress.

The invitation to devote your actions and your yoga practice to your Mistress is a powerful invocation and one that must not be taken lightly. Holding your Mistress in mind with every breath, every intention and every movement helps to keep you grounded through out your practice and throughout your life. When you are able to surrender and acknowledge the world outside of yourself and your place within it (at my feet), you are able to move through life with greater ease.

The core tenants of most religions focus on how to live life well, often through a path of devotion. This too is a core principle of Dasya Yoga. Devotion through worship has infinite potential. A Dasya slave works one-on-one with a devotional yoga guide to devote the fruits of their labor to their personal Goddess incarnate.

The term ‘Yoga’ means ‘to yoke’. The Dasya Yoga practice helps to yoke the wandering mind to the often times numb body. This allows for the potential for a physical and emotional awakening. Through physical touch, devotional asanas and mudras, the Dasya practice works to yoke the slaves actions to the Mistress’ pleasure. Each breath in reverence to Mistress. Each breath in gratitude to Mistress. It is through this sacred act of devotion that your purpose is found.

Ask yourself, what do you hope to achieve by serving your Mistress? How can you live a life in service to your Mistress? How can you cultivate thanks and gratitude? Create time and space to acknowledge and give thanks for your sacred purpose.

Fear, Self-Actualization and Contacting ProDommes.

Contacting a Professional Dominatrix can be scary. There are many reasons for this, but there are two fears that typically resonate on a deep emotional level that underly the rest.

You may have a core belief that you don’t deserve to get what you want. That the world simply won’t allow you to fulfill your desires. You believe you’re the type of person who can’t have what they desire and will generate obstacles that keep from achieving it. When this deep-rooted fear is confronted, the result can be paralysis and inaction. From there, your brain may generate surface-level excuses to prevent you from fulfilling your desires. Inaction is a passive route and will never lead to satisfaction. Action is more difficult than inaction. Be bold. Confront your desires. Submit.

Accompanying any need is the fear that one will not be able to maintain or possess that which they desire. This fear is what holds us back from reaching our potential and from self-actualization. One of the biggest fears when approaching a Prodomme is one that isn’t often talked about. It is the fear that you might actually get what you want. You have to confront your desires and be able to articulate them. This calls into the conscious that which can be lost or denied. The prospect of having your deepest desires met can bring out strong resistance if it conflicts with your pre-determined identity of ‘not worthy.’

For a masochist, getting what you want is the ultimate fear. A fear that is often accompanied by guilt and shame. This is the deepest form of edge play. Confronting the fear that you are worthy. The fear that you deserve to get what you want. The fear that you might just get it… scared, aren’t you?

All of this is tied up with how you contact a Prodomme. All of this is tied up with why I require deposits. Until you are willing to secure my time, you are not ready for the work to begin. Once you do your research and decide to contact the Prodomme that you think is the best fit for you, submit to the process. Follow her direction. Do not expect her to coddle you through the process or persuade you to see her. That is what her website, social media and other content are for. Make a decision. Stick to it. The potential for growth is limitless.


Not All Destruction is Without Growth.

Pain has the potential to be a beautiful and transformative thing.

Our aversion to staying present through pain robs us of our potential for growth. Instead of experiencing our pain, we are encouraged to detach, remove and medicate our pain before spending time to consider the best course of action. We treat the pain before determining what it is that our body and our mind truly need.

Pain and suffering are not separate entities. It is often when we allow our breath to get away from us that pain becomes suffering. And it is when there is a lack of intention, consent and control that suffering can be traumatic. While we cannot always be in complete control of painful experiences, creating a safe space to explore pain, suffering and trauma with a skilled practitioner can foster a powerful catharsis.

A muscle cannot grow without exercise. Working out a muscle tears it apart, allowing it to grow back stronger than before.

A trusted Domina plays with your emotions, your fear response, your hormones and brain chemicals. She interweaves fear, acceptance and resolution and allows you to have a new perspective and experience when you encounter pain off of the yoga mat or outside of the dungeon. Learning to breathe through pain, offer the fruits of your labor and your pain to another and knowing and accepting your purpose allows you to walk through life with stronger sense of meaning and personal fortitude.

Suffering is also not without its merit. Offering and devoting your suffering to a trained and skilled Domina can be a transcendent experience.